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So there you are, battle hardened LAN warrior, armed with master-forged mouse and stout keyboard, your ATI Raedeon 9700 Pro strapped across your back as you cross the Rubicon of your friend's threshold and into the Local Access Network Arena. You've got your gear. . . but are you really ready? It's not enough to only whet the edge of your own processor, a LAN party is a team game, and everyone needs to pull together to make it run smoothly.

Part 1: The day before

Firstly, and don't laugh, because I've seen it, make sure the computer you're planning to use at the LAN party is all in one piece and ready to use. LAN parties are for playing games, not building computers. That is, unless you prefer to spend 8 hours mounting the motherboard, setting the jumpers, connecting the drives, installing the OS - then hoping it all works when you're done. Ok, maybe that's a bit extreme, but troubleshooting a network is enough work without having to troubleshoot individual machines during setup. People come to a LAN party to hang out and play some games, not figure out why your CD drive won't run.

Second, once your machine is all in one piece, patch your OS, and make sure you have current drivers for at least audio and video. It can mean the difference between participating, and not playing at all. I think the number of problems that can be solved with a driver update would surprise and delight you. Most recently, I couldn't even run WarCraft 3 at our last party - black screen. I updated my drivers. . . and got to slaying some undead. Take it from me though, avoid the problem altogether, and update your drivers.

If you can, talk to the people who will be there and try to come up with a basic list of games you'll probably play. Then, get them installed and patched before you step out of the door. My LAN parties generally take about 2-3 hours to get off the ground (because none of us follow any of these rules - including me), but I have a friend of mine who's parties are 30 minutes - doorstep to frag. He has everyone install games the day before, and it makes a huge difference. Also, it's not a half-bad idea to burn an extra CD or two of games you know people own, or even download a no-CD crack, in case someone forgets a play disk. Careful with the piracy, though, bucko - even Blackbeard was caught, and you're not that good.

Part 2: The day of - or, what do I bring?

Don't just grab your box; jump into the General Lee and baja your way through Hazard County to Boss Hog's place for the party, be prepared for contingencies.

Power. Power. Power. Once more? Power. Bring your power strip! All those guys you know have a lot of plugs for those monitors, speakers and external hard drives, so you're going to need a lot of outlets. LAN parties generally turn into huge code violations with one surge protector daisy-chained off of three others, and that's fine (erm. . . right, Officer?). But don't put yourself through the agony of finding a CompUSA or Office Max on a Friday night. If everyone brings the one power strip they use for their own machine, you're more than covered. Better to have too many outlets, than too few.

Now, if you're smart, and/or wealthy, bring an extra card or two. Murphy's Law applies equally everywhere, and if your sound card is due to go, grenade explosions through your cranked speakers will definitely deliver the finishing blow. When I've got my druthers, I bring sound and network. Sound mostly because I'm once bitten twice shy, they're cheap, and it can be a pain to enable on-board sound after your PCI card dies. For me, though, the money is always in bringing an extra 10/100 network card to LAN parties. Friends of mine who have dialup access never use their network cards outside of LAN parties, and there's always someone who's card has gone bad, and we're off in the General Lee to CompUSA or Office Max. Why bother? Remember, the most essential thing at a LAN party is, well, the LAN. Otherwise you could have stayed home. Getting and keeping people on the network is paramount!

If you are the proud owner of a 10/100 hub or switch, unless you've been expressly told not to bring it, bring it. Again, the network is paramount - no switch, no network. Need I say more?

Part 3: The party

The best LAN partier have some cash for pizza, beer, snacks, soda, what have you. Or, hell, they just bring some - what are friends for, after all.

Yes, I realize I sound like a LAN party Nazi, so what I'm about to say may shock you. Have fun; don't take it too seriously. You're there as much to hang out with your friends and have a few beers as you are to avenge your ignominious defeat at capture the flag at the last party. If your pupils dilate too much, or you're sick of that camping bastard, sit one out, have a smoke, grab a slice of pizza. It's cool man -- "party", not "fistfight", not "shouting match", not "hypnosis practice" - party.

And finally, help clean up, will you? What, you live in a freaking barn?!