GGCS: GameGrene Combat Simulator
Captain Assassin — Mon, 2005-02-28 01:35
Need a place to hone your fighting skills? Need a place to blow off steam and take your anger out on hordes of poorly generated, low-graphic enemies? Did your DM send you here because you've been rolling' crap lately? THIS IS THE PLACE that I, the good Cap'n has made for FIGHTING!
(Actually it's a platform from "The Realm of the Lost")
But I still created it...so there!
Immerse yourselves in the fully interactive, holographic, semi-realistic, low-budget combat simulator!
:and...BEGIN!
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errr...it looks kinda empty...
..and swinging at the walls ain't what it used to be.
No, no, that's not a wall, that's a CLIFF!
*launches the crappy 16-bit monster generator*
The Cap'n must have forgotten to turn it on. He says it's state of the art but I don't know.
*rides away on a chocobo*
-----
:: scoffs at the participants lack of enthusiasm ::
Young fools! You do not realize that this simulator utilizes advanced, alien nanotechnology that links directly to each participants brainwaves. Thus, generating EACH participants ideal combat scenario.
In English, the system generates enemies/characters that YOU fear, or hate, or simply just wanna beat down the most.
In conclusion, if no enemies appear...you're just not thinking...
Merciful gods! It's Olly! Die, you Anglo-Saxon dog!
:: The Cap'n curses upon realizing Cocytus has been betrayed by his own fear. The spectral figure of Sir Oliver Hawkridge materializes in front of the combatants ::
DAMN! COCYTUS! You must control your fear! You are not ready to face such a gruesome and bewildering annoyance...
:: Sir Oliver looms over Cocytus, spouting Britishisms with long, rapid chains of "OI's!" ::
COCYTUS!! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!
so...this thing works by reading the deepest fears and worst enemies from your mind and manifesting them...and i was standing here... all alone... and then ALL OF YOU showed up!
hmmm....
lol terrifying, I know
-----
"You can't get off if you don't get on."
-Mary Jane Watson, Spider-Man 2
RANDOM and SENSLESS
It would seem not a single person is taking this simulator seriously...
excellent...
Wait...this wasn't serious?
Huh.
::Swings sword once, drops it, and then bangs head retrieving it. Swings it again and gets winded so he takes a puff on his inhaler. Swings sword again and sets it down because his arm is tired. :::
Damn, why didn't you tell me this was a REAL WORLD combat simulator.
::Tromps off::
I think the good Cap'n turned up the realism on you, sorry about that.
*cranks down the dial*
There, much better. Now you look like a hulking badass. More to your liking? Good.
Computer?
[Majel Barrett voice] Yes?
We need guns. Lots of guns.
*lame Matrix ripoff effect*
Excellent.
[Sneaks up behind Cocytus, club raised high above his head.]
Hee hee hee.
I wanna cast a spell! I wanna cast... "Magic Missile"!
(sigh) There's nobody around! Who are you going to attack? The DARKNESS!?
AAARRRGGHHH!!! The system isn't working properly! Nobody's fighting anything! I'm gonna reboot the system...
:: CTRL + ALT + DEL ::
Oh lets try this now.
::holds out hand::
{Light saber jumps into hand}
Nifty!
::Activate Sword::
{satisfying droning sound with accompanying swoosh and neat-o light effect}
Good. Good.
::Waves Sword back and forth::
{Cuts off leg and falls over}
Um. Excuse me. I'll be over here.
::Crawls out of simulator::
:: picks up light sabre, flips colors switch to "cycle" mode. Color changes every 2 seconds ::
CUE THE RAVE MUSIC!
:: cuts through remote training drone, then another, and another, then a carrot, then a steak, a brick, a chunk of wood, etc ::
Smashing... I'll start an info-mercial that'll put that damn "Miracle Blade" company to shame...
does that sabre work with D batteries??
:: switches saber off, takes out batteries. Batteries say "ΩΩ" ::
ummm...it uses "Double-Omega"
I bet these'll keep going and going and going...
____
*Begins pitching softballs towards the Cap'n*
:: ball whizzes by ::
WHOA! HEY! Gimme a chance to put the batteries ba--
*thunk*
Whoops...
Well, you win some, you lose some.
*pops open a soda*
oh, dfaran, by the way...doesn't that soda taste funny? muhahahaha!
Are you implying that I would eat a Sack Of Destruction Artillery?
*pulls various weapons out of the SODA and starts passing them around*
Ooooh...soda, I LOVE soda!
:: bottle of soda materializes in hand, opens soda, soda cap fires into left eye ::
Owwww...soda, I hate soda... ((thud))
:: soda de-materializes ::
...it's always the same.. first they WANT the soda, then they DON't want the soda..sheesh!