gamegrene.com

He goes by many names, and has many titles. He is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. No, we're not talking about God, but rather the Dungeon Master, the Storyteller, the Game Master, Yes Sir, His Highness, ruler of the RPG universe.

The Role-play GM stuck with a roll-play group:

"GM: You enter the room. The door clangs open with an ominous sound. The room is lightly lit, enough to see by, but not much more. Make a distance perception roll. Yes, the room appears to be about 8 feet by 8 feet by 8 feet. You spy cobwebs in the shadows of the ceiling, your druid can sense venomous spiders lurking within their lairs, waiting for some helpless insect to stumble into its web. An orc is lurking in the middle of the room, his green muscles bulging in apprehension. Sweat glistens off of his rippling biceps, and saliva drips in string from his mouth. Behind the orc you spot a four-legged table, made of some sort of wood. Made a wood identification roll. Yes, you identify the table as being made of oak wood. There is a dish on the table, containing some sort of food. Make a Dessert and Pastry Perception roll. Critical failure? All you can discern from the pan is that it contains a food item of some sort, probably baked. The table casts shad-

Okk Bloodaxe: I run in and smash the bad guy with my axe. Does he have any good loot?"

The roll-play GM stuck with a role-play group:

"GM: You enter the room. There's an orc there, with a pie behind him.

Xllerynié Flerigvullo: Pie? Do I have the ability to discern what the pie contains? Does it have a magic aura? I cast Detect evil on the pie.

GM: It's a cherry pie. How can it be evil? The orc charges you and engages in combat.

Fflerdiou Zlerggiou: He may not mean us any harm. Let's try to negotiate before we do anything rash. I speak in Orcish. "Grunt grunt growl howl thud *smash*" (Interpretation: Hello there, good sir. Wilt though exchange thy confection for a few pieces of silver?) Fflerdiou holds out an arm containing 5 silver pieces.

GM: *Sigh* The orc brings down his axe on your arm, severing it just below the elbow. Make a note on your character sheet that your right arm is missing.

Fflerdiou: (OOC) But Fflerdiou is left handed! He would have held his left hand out.

GM: Fine! Your left hand is missing."

The "By His Grace We Are Made L337" GM:

"GM: You see a lone orc sitting on a pile of treasure, wielding a rusty sword.

PC1: I attack the orc.

GM: The orc attempts to parry your blow, but his blade snaps. In fear, the kobold runs out of the room, running directly into the trap you guys ingeniously avoided by walking straight down the corridor. Arrows fly out of the wall, impaling the luckless monster. The One Ring, a palantir, and The Black Cauldron fall out of the orc's pockets.

PC2: What? That's it? What's in the treasure pile?

GM: You find a cherry pie. Upon further inspection, you discover that eating even a small portion of this pie will grant you immortality and other god-like powers. Um... I'll also give you three rolls off the special Über Rare Treasure Chart I drew up last night."

The GM From Hell:

"GM: A shady figure approaches you in the tavern. "I have a job for you. Meet me in my room upstairs."

Warrior: We follow him upstairs.

GM: As soon as you exit the sight of any bystanders, the shady figure laughs maniacally. He metamorphoses into a demon from the Ninth Circle Of Hell. "I have you now!" he exclaims. In addition, a grand piano falls through the ceiling, landing on your happy little group, doing 4d20+10 damage.

Thief: I have a dexterity of 17. I should be able to dodge that.

GM: Roll 3d6. Ooh, you missed critical success by one. You leap aside, gracefully avoiding the falling piano, and even more gracefully impaling yourself on the large steel spike that just materialized out of the wall.

Ex-Thief: This is ridiculous. This is the fifth character that I've had die tonight. I'm leaving."

The GM With No Creativity:

"GM: You, the halfling Dodo, are summoned to the council of Felrond to discuss the future of the necklace you have been left by your uncle Tilbo. During the council, you learn that this necklace is the One Necklace, the source of the Dark Lord Noruas's power (Hah! They'll never catch me if I spell stuff backwards!). It is determined that the necklace must be cast into the fiery pit of Rorom from whence it came. A Brotherhood Of The Necklace is formed, whose 7 members consist of you, Blandalf the wizard, Megomas the elf, Glumli the dwarf, Norgara the rightful king of Kondor, Doorameer, the son of the steward of Kondor, and your close friend and gardener Gamwise Samgee."

Feel free to add your own.